Writing With Abandon

In September, not too long after my car accident, I scheduled an eye exam that had been on my list for a while. Both of my parents wear glasses, but my sister, Tillie, and I had never needed them. My dad has had a few eye problems throughout his life, including cataracts and a detached retina, which he noticed just in time to save the vision in that eye (and the recovery is pretty wild — they put a bubble into your eye and you have to basically be horizontal for two weeks while it dissipates). In the spring, Tillie had seen an ophthalmologist because she was struggling to see while driving at night; they told her she was showing early signs of cataracts. When she texted it to our family group chat, my dad messaged that I should probably get checked out too, since he had cataracts in his 40s.

In August, I started my new job which is mostly remote, and therefore on the screen all day. But my eyes had been bothering me since the summer, while we were on vacation in England visiting P’s family. I noticed it as I looked at my phone or my Kindle — I would be holding it very close. And I started to feel like I was straining, and almost dizzy, after a while. In Mexico, at the Frida Kahlo Museum, I could hardly read the placards in the special exhibit about her clothing, it was so dark. Could this be the cataracts, I wondered? I had been ending my days at my new job absolutely exhausted, eyes squinting as I stared at the screens, dizzy in the evenings when I tried to focus on anything. Maybe I needed to get blue light glasses like I tried during remote teaching? Did blue light glasses even work? And if they didn’t, would that mean I needed to quit the job I’d just started? Was I not cut out for a remote job simply due to the screens?

When I tried to book an appointment with an ophthalmologist, they told me I needed to see an optometrist first, which is how I ended up at a Warby Parker at 5:30pm on a Friday afternoon.

While I waited to be seen, I tried on random glasses, wondering which I would get for blue light that would look cool on camera. I checked out a few different sunglasses too.

When they called me into the back for the exam, I went in, happy as a clam.

As the exam progressed though, I realized it was going differently from the other eye exams I’d had in my life, where I would read the letter lines and they’d say “great” and then move to the next eye.

First, my left eye took forever to focus.

“Sorry!” I apologized as I waited for it to adjust.

Second, she was showing me options. And the options were better than what I was seeing at first.

“Like this, or like this?” She’d ask, flipping back and forth.

Then, after I thought I’d already chosen, she’d switch to another set: “Like this? Or like this?”

When the exam was over, I was expecting to be told I needed reading glasses. I wasn’t expecting what came next:

“So I’m giving you two prescriptions,” the optometrist started.

“Two?!”

“Yes, a reading prescription and a distance prescription,” she said. Then she explained that my left eye was farsighted, and though the muscle had held on tight for many years, it was finally starting to get tired. My right eye had been holding down the fort, but I needed to start wearing glasses or I’d risk both of them getting worse. She suggested that I wear my reading glasses any time I was reading — all day at work for sure, and whenever I was reading or looking at my phone — and my distance glasses for everything else.

“Do I need to wear the distance ones all the time?” I asked.

“Well, anytime you need to see something well,” she said — watching TV, going to the movies, driving, reading a board menu behind a deli counter. She suggested I could get a pair that weren’t exactly bifocals, but would have a zoomed in prescription at the bottom so I could see distance straight on and then lower my eyes to read.

She told me she would have them email me my prescription and that I didn’t need to buy anything at the store today, I could go anywhere with it. I nodded and thanked her, and then walked back out into the store to meet P, who was waiting to pick me up.

“I need two prescriptions,” I told him, then proceeded to look at myself, without glasses, in the mirror. What would I look like with glasses on all the time?

I knew I didn’t need to decide on frames today, but I was tired of the headaches, so I started trying pairs on. I hated all of them, felt a strange kind of sadness in realizing the new me I’d be looking at in the mirror soon.

I’ll fast forward through the rest of it — I ordered a couple pairs that day, including the distance + zoom that she suggested, which I absolutely hated; I went back to a different Warby Parker where I met an optician who found me better frames for my face, which actually got me excited; my reading glasses came first and felt CRAZY, like I’d put on a crisp magnifying glass (which is funny because the reading glasses feel so subtle now!); I went back to the original Warby a few times to get both pairs re-fitted (who knew that it wasn’t just about the way they feel behind your ears, but actually about how they line up with your pupils?!); I made friends with Obi at the counter who told me I didn’t need to wear the distance ones all the time, as I could see pretty well otherwise (my right eye is still 20/20), though I needed to wear them enough to get used to them; Tillie saw another ophthalmologist who told her she wasn’t showing early signs of cataracts after all.

And eventually, I got used to seeing myself on the screen and in the mirror wearing my glasses. (I even like how I look in them, and appreciate how they can mask when you’re looking especially tired.)

What I mostly appreciate though is the ability to see in HD now — all the details on the TV screen (“This is what you’ve been seeing all along?!” I asked P the first time I wore them, flipping them down and up, down and up, to marvel at the comparison), the actors on a stage play, the depth perception as I drive, the computer screen throughout my reading glasses. I am cut out for a remote job, and I don’t end my days tired and dizzy anymore. It’s the best!

So there, that’s my glasses story! Thanks, Estelle, for the inspiration.