Notes from an “Ask the Expert” Session

Every month or so, on professional development Tuesdays, we have an “Ask the Expert” session with Lina Acosta Sandaal, a psychotherapist, child & adolescent development expert, and creator of Stop Parenting Alone. She is amazing and I always feel that I learn so much from a session with her.

Here are some notes I took from today’s session that really stuck with me, and which I want to keep in mind:

• We all have a confirmation bias that makes us see what we want/expect to see. Especially at this point in the year, we are struggling and are allowing our confirmation bias to take over. It’s automatic. So we have to take an extra step to reset every day until the end of the year.
• Our brains are the best virtual reality equipment ever.
• Guilt is a horrible feeling to feel, but it shows you have love and caring and compassion within you.
• If you model resetting, you give kids the opportunity to reset.
• Remember, it’s not messing up the day, it’s just messing up a moment.
• Two ways to calm your body and your nervous system when you’re especially overstimulated or stressed:
  • ONE – Find your feet. Find 3 tight spots to loosen. Take a breath. Speak.
  • TWO – Find your feet. Expand your eyesight — widen out.
• Three musts of caregiving: consistency, routine, teamwork amongst caregivers.
• When we give kids a crutch, we need to give them a crutch with a plan. “That is there because we are working towards __.”
• Around age 8, children move from caregiver-motivated to self– and peer–motivated. This is why it’s especially important in the early years to motivate with responsibility, integrity, and perseverance — not pleasure.
• After a big event or project culmination, kids will disengage. Plan accordingly: make time to process, reassess, and get excited about what’s next.