Writing With Abandon

After a night of tossing and turning, I’m happy to report that I had a pretty solid sleep last night. I did wake up to pee at four or five, but I wasn’t too upset about it because it happened right at the end of one of the best dreams I think I’ve ever had. Before crawling back into bed for the last hour, I scribbled down some notes on a post-it, because I knew that I’d want to slice about it this morning. Then I fell back asleep with a smile on my lips before my alarm unfortunately woke me up.

Knitting club

+ fac sleepover

on the floor

I was facilitating a travel program with members of my knitting club and we were turning in for the night at an unplanned rest stop (which would never, ever happen). We had to sleep on the cold floors of a restaurant! There were even a few large holes/trap doors in the floor that we had to avoid and that one girl fell through. She was okay though, luckily. It was just her toothbrush that fell all the way down.

Weirdly, though we weren’t in Barcelona, we had a perfect view of La Sagrada Família. It was some sort of warp in the time-space continuum that allowed for a view like this to happen.

Garden shop w/

only chips and

orchid + boots

I was back in New York, walking quickly down the street, when I happened to fall in line behind my oldest friend, Rosie, who I haven’t seen in ages, her mom, and another girl I knew from a long time ago (maybe a soccer team? Middle school?). At first I was determined to get to my destination, whatever that was, but my speed walking led me into their view, so I joined them. They were headed to a garden shop cafe, and I figured I could spare a bit of time.

At the garden shop, they only had ruffle potato chips. I was starving, and kept taking large handfuls to shove in my mouth. I picked up a large vase with water and a baby orchid, ready to be cared for. I also grabbed a little gift basket with rubber boots. We continued eating and chatting.

Then it was time to check out. The person ahead of me was bummed to see that I’d grabbed the last pair of rubber boots. But when I looked at them and tried them on, I realized that they were huge, which just left me with the orchid in a vase.

“How can I make sure to care for it?” I asked the guy at the counter, “because you know, I’ve always—”

“Killed them?” The clerk finished for me. I nodded profusely. “No worries, I can give you some tips.”

It was at that moment that the front door of the cafe opened up behind him, and in walked—

MEETING JACK BLACK

having selfie attack

Jack Black!

He swaggered in wearing a t-shirt and a flowy button down, sunglasses, and a smile.

I immediately put my orchid on the counter and got down on my knees, bowing in child’s prayer before him.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” I said as I brought my torso and arms up and down. “You are just one of my favorite actors, Jack Black!”

I stood up and asked if I could hug him. To my delight, he was in a great mood and said yes!

(Please note that in real life, I have never ever approached a celebrity if I have seen them, except for the few whose orders I took when I worked at Mud Cafe after college. Way too nervous.)

We hugged and I told him that School of Rock is one of my favorite movies and that I’ve made my fifth graders watch that and Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle so many times mainly because I like them so much. He laughed and seemed to nod like, “Yeah, I know. I’m cool.”

“My boyfriend loves you so much too,” I added. “Would you be willing to take a selfie with me so I can prove to him that I met you?”

And in this dream, Jack Black not only agreed to take one selfie, but we started having a selfie photo shoot! We posed standing, lying down, on one knee! We made faces, serious and silly! We even kissed for one! (I figured P would forgive me seeing that it was Jack Black and the kissing selfie was a ridiculous puckered lips one.)

And that’s when I woke up.

Amazing, amazing dream. Ten out of ten! Keep them coming, subconscious!

The first day of Daylight Savings isn’t what gets me. (And did you know it’s just “Daylight Saving”? But so many of us add the “s” to the end. It feels strange in my mouth to say it the “correct” way.)

What gets me is the second day.

On Sunday, due to a late night and early morning, I was actually exhausted by the time 7:30pm (6:30pm) rolled around, and was asleep by 9:30 or so, definitely before 10. So I felt pretty rested on Monday, yesterday.

But then the evening came and I found myself wide awake, not ready for bed at all.

I read my book.

I tried to sleep, but failed.

So I finished my book (The Family Upstairs by Lisa Jewell).

Then I downloaded a few more books onto my kindle (sorry, books on my nightstand and books already on my kindle!).

I closed my eyes, ready for sleep to take me.

I tossed.

I turned.

I somehow finally fell asleep, closer to midnight than I would have liked. I had strange dreams about knitting club and a bunch of Icelandic immigrants at a new yarn shop in town (how I wish that new shop were real!) and a vintage store with lots of jeans but none in my size/style and a free shuttle (not bus, I don’t really know what it was) for wheelchair-bound people to get to the airport.

And then I woke up around 4:30 to go to the bathroom.

I got back in bed, cold.

I tossed.

I turned.

I did not fall back asleep.

So I picked up my phone before the alarm went off at six.

This morning I have a small medical procedure and I’m nervous about it. They’re going to give me a Valium to calm my nerves, which I’ve only had once before when I was 18 and getting heel surgery. It didn’t have a crazy effect on me, but that was a long time ago. Yet I’m still nervous about being extra drowsy and wondering if I should have asked for the afternoon off. I probably still can, but I do have a client meeting at 6:30 that I really shouldn’t miss.

Blah!

If it hadn’t been the second day of Daylight Savings yesterday, I might have been able to actually get some good rest. And then I might have felt a bit more calm about this procedure and the Valium and the rest of the day.

Maybe tonight I’ll sleep like a rock.

Here’s hoping!

In September, not too long after my car accident, I scheduled an eye exam that had been on my list for a while. Both of my parents wear glasses, but my sister, Tillie, and I had never needed them. My dad has had a few eye problems throughout his life, including cataracts and a detached retina, which he noticed just in time to save the vision in that eye (and the recovery is pretty wild — they put a bubble into your eye and you have to basically be horizontal for two weeks while it dissipates). In the spring, Tillie had seen an ophthalmologist because she was struggling to see while driving at night; they told her she was showing early signs of cataracts. When she texted it to our family group chat, my dad messaged that I should probably get checked out too, since he had cataracts in his 40s.

In August, I started my new job which is mostly remote, and therefore on the screen all day. But my eyes had been bothering me since the summer, while we were on vacation in England visiting P’s family. I noticed it as I looked at my phone or my Kindle — I would be holding it very close. And I started to feel like I was straining, and almost dizzy, after a while. In Mexico, at the Frida Kahlo Museum, I could hardly read the placards in the special exhibit about her clothing, it was so dark. Could this be the cataracts, I wondered? I had been ending my days at my new job absolutely exhausted, eyes squinting as I stared at the screens, dizzy in the evenings when I tried to focus on anything. Maybe I needed to get blue light glasses like I tried during remote teaching? Did blue light glasses even work? And if they didn’t, would that mean I needed to quit the job I’d just started? Was I not cut out for a remote job simply due to the screens?

When I tried to book an appointment with an ophthalmologist, they told me I needed to see an optometrist first, which is how I ended up at a Warby Parker at 5:30pm on a Friday afternoon.

While I waited to be seen, I tried on random glasses, wondering which I would get for blue light that would look cool on camera. I checked out a few different sunglasses too.

When they called me into the back for the exam, I went in, happy as a clam.

As the exam progressed though, I realized it was going differently from the other eye exams I’d had in my life, where I would read the letter lines and they’d say “great” and then move to the next eye.

First, my left eye took forever to focus.

“Sorry!” I apologized as I waited for it to adjust.

Second, she was showing me options. And the options were better than what I was seeing at first.

“Like this, or like this?” She’d ask, flipping back and forth.

Then, after I thought I’d already chosen, she’d switch to another set: “Like this? Or like this?”

When the exam was over, I was expecting to be told I needed reading glasses. I wasn’t expecting what came next:

“So I’m giving you two prescriptions,” the optometrist started.

“Two?!”

“Yes, a reading prescription and a distance prescription,” she said. Then she explained that my left eye was farsighted, and though the muscle had held on tight for many years, it was finally starting to get tired. My right eye had been holding down the fort, but I needed to start wearing glasses or I’d risk both of them getting worse. She suggested that I wear my reading glasses any time I was reading — all day at work for sure, and whenever I was reading or looking at my phone — and my distance glasses for everything else.

“Do I need to wear the distance ones all the time?” I asked.

“Well, anytime you need to see something well,” she said — watching TV, going to the movies, driving, reading a board menu behind a deli counter. She suggested I could get a pair that weren’t exactly bifocals, but would have a zoomed in prescription at the bottom so I could see distance straight on and then lower my eyes to read.

She told me she would have them email me my prescription and that I didn’t need to buy anything at the store today, I could go anywhere with it. I nodded and thanked her, and then walked back out into the store to meet P, who was waiting to pick me up.

“I need two prescriptions,” I told him, then proceeded to look at myself, without glasses, in the mirror. What would I look like with glasses on all the time?

I knew I didn’t need to decide on frames today, but I was tired of the headaches, so I started trying pairs on. I hated all of them, felt a strange kind of sadness in realizing the new me I’d be looking at in the mirror soon.

I’ll fast forward through the rest of it — I ordered a couple pairs that day, including the distance + zoom that she suggested, which I absolutely hated; I went back to a different Warby Parker where I met an optician who found me better frames for my face, which actually got me excited; my reading glasses came first and felt CRAZY, like I’d put on a crisp magnifying glass (which is funny because the reading glasses feel so subtle now!); I went back to the original Warby a few times to get both pairs re-fitted (who knew that it wasn’t just about the way they feel behind your ears, but actually about how they line up with your pupils?!); I made friends with Obi at the counter who told me I didn’t need to wear the distance ones all the time, as I could see pretty well otherwise (my right eye is still 20/20), though I needed to wear them enough to get used to them; Tillie saw another ophthalmologist who told her she wasn’t showing early signs of cataracts after all.

And eventually, I got used to seeing myself on the screen and in the mirror wearing my glasses. (I even like how I look in them, and appreciate how they can mask when you’re looking especially tired.)

What I mostly appreciate though is the ability to see in HD now — all the details on the TV screen (“This is what you’ve been seeing all along?!” I asked P the first time I wore them, flipping them down and up, down and up, to marvel at the comparison), the actors on a stage play, the depth perception as I drive, the computer screen throughout my reading glasses. I am cut out for a remote job, and I don’t end my days tired and dizzy anymore. It’s the best!

So there, that’s my glasses story! Thanks, Estelle, for the inspiration.

I’ve lost my streak of writing one day ahead because I wrote two slices on Wednesday and got to schedule two days ahead, then didn’t slice yesterday, grateful for the cushion. But that means I’m stuck here with a loss of what to write!

I almost starting slicing about my love of musicals (we saw an amazing local production of Dear Evan Hansen last night, and “Dear Theodosia” has been stuck in my head randomly for the past 24 hours), but then Phoebe snuggled up next to me and stared at me, like this:

So I decided, maybe it’s time to peruse my camera roll and find my favorite photos of her from each month since last March!

I hope you enjoyed those, cause looking for the best photos to represent each of the last twelve months was an instant mood booster for me!

Every day I take Phoebe out for a couple of walks to loop around our block. Though our building’s entrance sits on a loud, busy two-way street (with a 40 mph speed limit!), our balcony looks out over a quaint neighborhood where kids ride their bikes alone and locals go for jogs and house cats roam outside, taunting Phoebe, who always wants to play with them. The houses are unassuming, some of them quite simple, many of them beautiful and interesting to look at.

In December, as I rounded the corner to do my regular loop, I saw that one house was getting demolished. I covered my face and squinted my eyes and speed-walked away to avoid the dust getting kicked up. Since then, every day on my walks, I’ve seen this house get built faster than I’ve ever seen a house being constructed before. They must know some people, because I’m used to seeing empty lots for longer than expected and hearing about timelines getting pushed out.

But this house? It’s going up fast, and it’s massive. Most of the homes are only single-level — this one is two stories. It has fences all around that the house towers up over, and in place of its old front yard, the walls go out almost to edges of the fence. I wonder if they’ve designed it so a pool and garden sit in the middle of the house, like the hole in an Oreo.

Every day as I walk by, I notice the rapid daily progress. The workers move quickly but intentionally. Smoothing cement over the brick walls. Lifting bars. Placing the long, tall windows.

Directly across the street, in front of one of the more typical homes of the neighborhood, sit four blue fold-out picnic chairs, from which a few neighbors will often sit and observe the progress as well. When I pass and they’re sitting there, we nod and wave at each other, letting out a soft laugh that signals we’re both looking at the new construction with a mixture of awe, interest, and disbelief (and a bit of disgust, if we’re honest!).

I wonder when the house will be complete and what noises will emanate from it as I pass on my daily walks. I wonder if other homes in the neighborhood will follow suit, or if this house will stick out like the sore thumb it is. I wonder if the chairs in front of the neighbor’s house will disappear after the construction show ends, or if they sit there all the time to watch the neighborhood’s ebb and flow.

I don’t think Phoebe notices at all.

“Amy, Dev, Mer, can you hang back at the end of the call?” Rafa asked before the rest of the team jumped off. Our colleagues logged off and I settled into my chair.

“Amy, I asked you to stay back just for a minute to clarify one thing about L’s Ecuador itinerary,” Rafa started, with a smile. “So, the frog concert is not actually a concert. Like, there won’t be frogs coming out and singing to the students.”

I immediately started cracking up, remembering how Adam had looked so excited at our initial itinerary review about this curious concert activity.

“Yeah, I was wondering what that was when I was leading the pre-departure call!” Dev remarked.

“They might not even hear the frogs at all,” Rafa explained. “This is a sustainability-focused activity where they’ll learn about how the town has built out its economy to be environmentally friendly. But there will absolutely be no frogs singing or cracking or whatever it is they do.”

“Croaking,” I offered.

“Exactly. Yeah. So, just to set expectations for your call tomorrow.”

“No problem,” I laughed. “Let me adjust what it says there.”

I pulled up the itinerary document.

“I’m gonna put ‘concert’ in quotation marks. How does this sound? ‘Participate in a unique frog “concert,” amidst the backdrop of the frogs’ croaks’?”

“Ehh,” Rafa wavered, clearly doubtful that they might hear frogs at all.

“Okay, how about: ‘Participate in a unique frog “concert,” embracing the sustainability of the town of Mindo and keeping your ears peeled for the subtle croaks of the frogs in the forest.’”

“There you go,” Rafa replied.

We all laughed again.

“Thank you for that!” I said, then logged off, knowing I immediately had my slice for tomorrow.

I woke up, again, without any idea of what to slice about. This is going to be harder than I thought. (But I guess that’s why they call it a challenge!)

I told P last night that I missed the spontaneity of in-person work, how slices really do just appear when you are interacting with others. How in my work, I am interacting with others, but it’s through a screen, so it doesn’t feel as real as in-person interactions (even though, as I remembered with my fully remote class from 2020-21, I am building strong relationships with my team members and clients, just as I did with those students, who I only ever met on their graduation day in the park).

Do virtual moments count as slices?

Would it count if I wrote a slice of life that happened months ago?

I could close my eyes and remember our week-long facilitator training and fish for a slice there. I could slice about the walks to and from the dining hall, which I took with a different person every day, both of us eager to get to know one another better. Or the wild-looking cat, Albert, who was, in fact, a very people-loving cat, and just wanted to be around humans. Or the various energizers that we played, like Buddy System and Extension Cord. Or the way that the puddles splashed up onto my new white sweatpants, how I’m thinking about dying them a darker color now.

Would any of those count?

Because, see, I’m worried that this month, slices are going to be hard to come by.

My days are mostly the same.

I take Phoebe on two to three walks around the block every day. I have some tea. I eat a morning snack. I go back and forth between sitting and standing as much as possible. I stretch and walk around the apartment. I send messages on Slack. I review lots and lots of documents. I send lots and lots and lots and LOTS of emails. I attend and lead many meetings. And in less than a month, I will trade all of that in for facilitating a student program in the Yukon and attending a conference in Atlanta. And then six weeks later, I’ll be off in Australia, first to travel solo, and then to facilitate another student program. In August, I’ll be in the Pacific Northwest, and then back in D.C. And after each of those, I know I’ll be missing P and Phoebe and our home and my desk and the simplicity of this work from home life.

Don’t get me wrong — I love my job, even the remote parts. And I wouldn’t go back to teaching tomorrow if it were offered to me with a higher salary. My body and brain can’t handle it anymore.

But it’s not the same as the endless sliceable days you get when you have other people to experience those slices with.

Like Ili’s hilarious slice about driving to school with Ollie, and Ollie’s parking abilities.

Or Gianna’s slice about the joys of first grade jokes.

So this morning, I’m struggling and feeling a bit slice envious.

I’ll try to see today with different eyes and capture the slices that I know are there.

In fact, I just thought of one that I’ll try to remember for tomorrow!

Day two and I’m already scrambling for what to write. I could probably wait until inspiration hits today, but I’ve decided instead to participate in the monthly REPORT trend — first seen as a leftover slice idea on Elisabeth’s blog. My coworker, Teghan, also does a sort of monthly round-up on her Substack, Field Notes, where she reflects on the season, shares her current reads and what she’s cooking, and gives recommendations for things to do in her neighborhood in Vancouver, BC.

The REPORT trend specifically stands for Reading, Eating, Playing, Obsessing, Recommending, and Treating (which is funny, because this morning I woke up singing “Treat yoself two-thousand-‘leven!”). Here goes!

Reading

I’m currently reading Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman, which I sliced about a bit last week. Patrick and I have also been taking turns reading aloud the MinaLima interactive versions of Harry Potter. We just finished the Sorcerer’s Stone on Friday and started Chamber of Secrets yesterday. I have to say, I am quite lucky that my partner is British, because his accent is everything when he reads!

In February, I also read:

• I Am, I Am, I Am: Seventeen Brushes with Death by Maggie O’Farrell
• Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy (for book club — we all LOVED it)
• Don’t Let Him In by Lisa Jewell

Eating

Last night I made chicken taco bowls in my trusty Instant Pot, which I always forget exists. I love being able to just set it and forget it. This week’s dinner plan includes Julia Turshen burgers with caramelized onions alongside green beans and mashed potatoes.

I’ve been struggling to meal prep and absolutely hating making myself breakfast (I tend to like to eat eggs or some sort of protein in the morning, and I do wake up hungry). If anyone has some easy breakfast ideas to help me mix things up and get “excited” again, please throw them in the comments!

Playing

I always start my mornings with the NYT Games app: the Mini, then Wordle, then Strands, then Connections; occasionally Spelling Bee and Pips throughout the day; and the Crossword on most Mondays and Tuesdays, with the occasional Wednesday-Thursday-Friday completion. They’ve just added the Midi, so I’ll be adding that to my daily solves, too!

While it’s not necessarily playing, I’ve also been working on my fiber arts: I just finished crocheting a Wooble for the first time last week, and I’m currently knitting myself a Lakes Pullover using Noro Madara Sake. My thumb had been bothering me since I strained it in December, but it’s been feeling a lot better lately and knitting continental has helped to ease some of the pressure.

Obsessing

Lately I’ve been obsessed with Amy Poehler’s podcast, Good Hang. And honestly, who isn’t? If you’re into podcasts and you’re into Amy Poehler, I highly recommend it. I love listening while I take my daily walks with Phoebe. I find myself absolutely cracking up, no matter who the guest is. It’s such an easy listen!

Something I wasted time obsessing over last week was whether or not to buy a walking pad for under my desk. Truly, I spent maybe 2-3 hours poring over Amazon reviews. (Why? Why do I do this?) I decided against it in the end — I started wearing my Apple Watch again so I can be reminded to get up and move, I’ll use my standing desk with the help of an ergonomic standing pad I ordered that supposedly will help me move around and stretch and massage my feet (TBD), and I’ll make sure to get in my two quick 15-minute walks with Phoebe in the morning and sometime after lunch.

Recommending

For books, definitely our book club pick, Wild Dark Shore by Charlotte McConaghy. A gorgeous book that leaves you guessing throughout, with such incredible character development and descriptions of place. Lots to discuss as well, from climate change to the role of women and mothers in society, to the importance of the land, to relationships. A great one.

For TV shows, The Pitt! It’s just so well done, I find myself getting emotional in every episode. If you have a strong enough stomach to watch a pretty graphic medical show, I highly recommend it. (It’s funny, considering I can handle watching it on TV, but get vasovagal when I’m dealing with medical stuff in the real world!)

Treating

It’s only this last month that I’ve finally felt the freedom of not having a second job. I stopped tutoring and ended my copywriting gig last November, but I was traveling a lot for work in December and January, so February was the first month that I got to see what it was like to have that time back. I miss the extra cash, that’s for sure, but I am so grateful to have my weekends and evenings back.

Sometimes I just enjoy the extra rest and me time — for reading, knitting, taking long walks with Phoebe, or watching TV. But I’ve also been using the time to get slowly back into working out. I rejoined ClassPass and have found a great, authentic (NON-heated) yoga studio, which I’m trying to go to twice a week at least, and I’m trying to supplement that with the occasional run, spin class, and strength training.

And when all else fails, I’m loving treating myself to our new hammock-style chair on the balcony.

Alright, there you have it! The February REPORT.